Peaceful coastal landscape symbolising reflection and self-understanding explored through counselling

Sarah McMurray Blog

Reflections on mental health, counselling, and everyday life

This is a space where I share thoughts, reflections, and resources on some of the issues people often bring to counselling – from stress and anxiety to relationships, grief, and the challenges of student life.

You might find something here that speaks to what you’re going through, or simply offers a different perspective. My hope is that these posts help you feel more supported, offer insight into how psychodynamic counselling can help, and remind you that you’re not alone.

When the future feels unwritten: A psychodynamic reflection on exam anxiety, leaving university, and uncertainty

As spring turns into early summer across the UK, many university students find themselves in a familiar yet emotionally complex place: facing final exams, preparing to leave university, and asking the unsettling question— what happens next? From a psychodynamic perspective, this is a time rich with meaning. Beneath the surface stress of exams and deadlines, deeper feelings and internal conflicts are often stirred. For some, this transition feels straightforward. If you’ve en

People Pleasing: What is it and why does it drive us crazy?

The term people pleasing is often used casually, but psychologically it describes something far deeper than simply being helpful. At its core, people pleasing is about seeking emotional reassurance. It involves trying to gain comfort from feeling liked, valued or approved of by others. For many people, it becomes a way of managing an underlying fear: the fear of rejection. People who struggle with people-pleasing behaviour often feel a persistent need to maintain a positive

Do we hide in plain sight?

In the therapy room, it can be tempting to remain within familiar emotional territory, perhaps hoping that the therapist in front of you has a ‘magic box of tricks’ to take away anxiety, trauma, or emotional distress. This wish, in itself, can reflect long-standing relational patterns: avoidant attachment, emotional withdrawal, or a fear of depending on another. Psychodynamic therapy invites us to pause and turn our attention inward. What do we keep hidden? What is visible to

The New Year's resolution paradox

How are those NY resolutions working out? Is it Dry January, Veganuary, going to the gym, losing weight, getting up at 5am to meditate, using that planner – WHATEVER it is you have set yourself for 2026, how is it going? Are you euphoric and in the pink cloud of success? Or have you already ‘failed’ and feeling that you can never change because you are YOU, your own self-fulfilling prophecy. Every year on repeat: Eat better. Drink less. Be more disciplined. Be more produc

Christmas and alcohol: A toxic cocktail?

In my last post, I explored perfectionism. It feels fitting to follow this with a look at a time of year when pressure to get everything right is at its peak. Christmas often comes with expectations of being the perfect host: cooking a feast, delighting in thoughtful presents, playing games, and frequently adding a heady mix of alcohol. But what happens when alcohol becomes a problem at Christmas? How do you cope when behaviour becomes challenging? And how do you protect you

Perfectionism

The problem with trying to be perfect: A psychodynamic view It took time in my own therapy to tolerate that I struggled with perfectionism. Perfectionism is often admired, driven in part by social media’s relentless offering of glittering and aspirational curated worlds. But as Tolkien tells us - ‘all that glitters is not gold’. Inside the perfectionist’s emotional world, it is rarely experienced as admirable. It is exhausting. It is lonely. And it is driven less by aspirati