Peaceful coastal landscape symbolising reflection and self-understanding explored through counselling

Sarah McMurray Blog

Reflections on mental health, counselling, and everyday life

This is a space where I share thoughts, reflections, and resources on some of the issues people often bring to counselling – from stress and anxiety to relationships, grief, and the challenges of student life.

You might find something here that speaks to what you’re going through, or simply offers a different perspective. My hope is that these posts help you feel more supported, offer insight into how psychodynamic counselling can help, and remind you that you’re not alone.

How do we define our self-worth? A psychodynamic lens

As August stretches out in front of us, I wanted to follow on from my last post about chasing rest. It has proven to be a popular post, so I thought it would be worth exploring a little further. Is our inability to rest entangled with our sense of self-worth? I wonder whether we can even achieve rest on holiday, or whether we are always 'on' and never free to rest. When are we satisfied? If true rest has become almost impossible because our obligations and our drive to perfo

Self-worth

What is rest in a burnt-out world? Psychodynamic thoughts

I am drawn to the subject of rest for two reasons. The first was an excellent presentation by Akshi Singh, Rest as a Threat, which I watched as part of my own CPD through the BACP. The second is that today I have a day to myself, and the very thought of resting – of not hammering through a to-do list: cleaning the house, deciding what's for dinner, life admin, emptying that drawer that won't close - filled me with guilt. The prospect of doing 'nothing' felt almost impossible.

burnt out

Questions about therapy and honest answers

It is a scorcher today and, like everyone else in the UK, I am wilting. So I decided to put together a short blog about all the questions I had about therapy before I began my own journey into counselling and psychotherapy. Disclosure: it was a requirement of my training to be in weekly therapy for two years. It was a journey and made me even more driven to build my counselling practice. So here goes — a quick run through of all the questions I can think of and some answers.

questions about therapy

Leaving university and uncertainty: Graduate anxiety

As spring turns into early summer across the UK, many university students find themselves in a familiar yet emotionally complex place: facing final exams, preparing to leave university, and asking the unsettling question—what happens next? From a psychodynamic perspective, this is a time rich with meaning. Beneath the surface stress of exams and deadlines, deeper feelings and internal conflicts are often stirred. For some, this transition feels straightforward. If you’ve enj

low self-esteem

People Pleasing: What is it and why does it drive us crazy?

The term people pleasing is often used casually, but psychologically it describes something far deeper than simply being helpful. At its core, people pleasing is about seeking emotional reassurance. It involves trying to gain comfort from feeling liked, valued or approved of by others. For many people, it becomes a way of managing an underlying fear: the fear of rejection. People who struggle with people-pleasing behaviour often feel a persistent need to maintain a positive

Why do I feel so overwhelmed? Can therapy help?

In the therapy room, it can be tempting to remain within familiar emotional territory, perhaps hoping that the therapist in front of you has a ‘magic box of tricks’ to take away anxiety, trauma, or emotional distress. This wish, in itself, can reflect long-standing relational patterns: avoidant attachment, emotional withdrawal, or a fear of depending on another. Psychodynamic therapy invites us to pause and turn our attention inward. What do we keep hidden? What is visible to

Self-worth

The New Year's resolution paradox

How are those NY resolutions working out? Is it Dry January, Veganuary, going to the gym, losing weight, getting up at 5am to meditate, using that planner – WHATEVER it is you have set yourself for 2026, how is it going? Are you euphoric and in the pink cloud of success? Or have you already ‘failed’ and feeling that you can never change because you are YOU, your own self-fulfilling prophecy. Every year on repeat: Eat better. Drink less. Be more disciplined. Be more produc

Christmas and alcohol: A toxic cocktail?

In my last post, I explored perfectionism. It feels fitting to follow this with a look at a time of year when pressure to get everything right is at its peak. Christmas often comes with expectations of being the perfect host: cooking a feast, delighting in thoughtful presents, playing games, and frequently adding a heady mix of alcohol. But what happens when alcohol becomes a problem at Christmas? How do you cope when behaviour becomes challenging? And how do you protect you

Perfectionism

The problem with trying to be perfect: A psychodynamic view It took time in my own therapy to tolerate that I struggled with perfectionism. Perfectionism is often admired, driven in part by social media’s relentless offering of glittering and aspirational curated worlds. But as Tolkien tells us - ‘all that glitters is not gold’. Inside the perfectionist’s emotional world, it is rarely experienced as admirable. It is exhausting. It is lonely. And it is driven less by aspirati

Why am I overwhelmed by anxiety?

As a therapist, I am not immune to stressful periods. Workload/ life balance management, a busy client private practice, an over-flowing diary, difficult sessions, attending supervision, ordering the groceries and forgetting to buy the coffee (essential!). All this can mean that I am awake at 3am ruminating on the day ahead. In my life, stress comes and goes. We all experience stressful periods, but we should be able to shrug them off and move on unscathed. So, when does stre

low self-esteem