Questions about therapy and honest answers

It is a scorcher today and, like everyone else in the UK, I am wilting. So I decided to put together a short blog about all the questions I had about therapy before I began my own journey into counselling and psychotherapy.

Disclosure: it was a requirement of my training to be in weekly therapy for two years. It was a journey and made me even more driven to build my counselling practice. So here goes — a quick run through of all the questions I can think of and some answers. If you have more questions about counselling and psychotherapy, let me know.

What is psychodynamic counselling/psychotherapy?

Like all counselling and psychotherapy, it is two people sitting in a room together. Talking. That is it.

The difference is that one person is trained to listen carefully and contributes where it seems helpful, relevant or meaningful. This relationship is called a therapeutic alliance. It is built on trust, time and commitment to the process.

The psychodynamic part comes into play with how I listen. Over time, patterns emerge, the unheard parts of yourself are given airtime and the ‘dynamic’ is a nod to the fact that how we feel is constantly in motion — and that change is possible. Psychodynamic therapy can feel like slowly removing layers of varnish from a painting and discovering the original painting anew.

Do you sit in silence and never speak?

No.

Silence can have its moment while you are gathering thoughts and trying to find the words to articulate a feeling or elusive memory, but prolonged silence can feel hostile. We are in this together.

If a quiet moment happens, you should not feel that you need to talk through it or that it is punishment. As we get to know each other, silence becomes part of the natural flow of a therapy session — but I am human, and I do talk.

Can I just talk to a friend?

Yes. Friends are incredibly important.

But sometimes your friend will say, “I know exactly how you feel” or “that happened to me” or “I’m having a tough time as well” and, before you know it, that well-intentioned friend is sharing themselves with you and suddenly you are caught in their story.

Or perhaps you have carried your shame, loneliness, anger or disillusionment around with you for so long that you cannot quite find the words anymore. Maybe it is as simple as not wishing to burden a friend.

Therapy offers a confidential space that is entirely focused on you.

What if I don’t know what’s wrong?

It is enough to know that something feels off. That is as good a starting point as any.

Sometimes coming to counselling without a fixed agenda can actually feel liberating.

Can you fix me?

There is no magic wand, secret box of tricks or guarantees.

In psychodynamic psychotherapy there are no printouts, homework, book suggestions or exercises. Most of the work is done by you, as your inner self emerges in conversation.

Imagine that I am walking alongside you and guiding you when you feel lost. Therapy is a two-way street.

Can therapy help my relationship?

Yes, but usually by helping you understand yourself within the relationship.

What you bring to it, what you do not, what has been lost and how you have both changed over time.

Which is better — online sessions or face-to-face counselling?

They are simply different.

Face-to-face counselling takes place in my quiet practice room at Pantiles Chambers in Tunbridge Wells. There is comfort in being in the same room and knowing that we are both grounded in the real world together.

However, life is hectic and busy. Students may be at home for some of the time and at university for the rest. Online therapy can take a session or two to find a rhythm and the onus is on you to find a confidential space, but it can be just as effective as face-to-face counselling.

Therapeutic alliances can absolutely be built online, and the session flows in much the same way.

What do I do now?

If this has struck a chord and you would like to explore counselling or psychotherapy sessions, please do get in contact through my website or drop me an email at sarahmcmurraycounselling@gmail.com.

I am a UK based psychodynamic counsellor based in Tunbridge Wells or online - you are very welcome to get in touch.