Christmas and alcohol: A toxic cocktail?

In my last post, I explored perfectionism. It feels fitting to follow this with a look at a time of year when pressure to get everything right is at its peak. Christmas often comes with expectations of being the perfect host: cooking a feast, delighting in thoughtful presents, playing games, and frequently adding a heady mix of alcohol.

But what happens when alcohol becomes a problem at Christmas? How do you cope when behaviour becomes challenging? And how do you protect yourself if a drunken row erupts?

What if a row happens?

Alcohol lowers inhibitions and reduces our ability to regulate emotions. Feelings we usually keep under control — anger, hurt, jealousy, grief — can surface quickly. At Christmas, it can feel as though the volume is turned right up.

One of the most common difficulties I see is slipping back into a childhood version of ourselves. You might become the peacemaker, the black sheep, or the “difficult” one without quite knowing how it happened. Being back with parents and siblings can stir up unspoken grievances and old disappointments, and the pressure to appear grateful and cheerful can feel overwhelming. For some, topping up a glass becomes a way to cope.

If a row explodes, remember: it is not your job to fix or rescue anyone in that moment. Logic and explanations rarely land when alcohol is involved. You are not obliged to absorb someone else’s anger simply because it is Christmas. Walking away is often the healthiest and safest choice.

The aftermath and emotional fallout

Drunken arguments frequently leave behind shame, guilt and confusion — particularly when what happened is minimised or denied the next day.

It is important to trust your own experience. If something felt hurtful, frightening or upsetting, it matters, regardless of whether others remember it. Give yourself time. Emotional clarity often comes once the intensity of Christmas has passed, and a forced or rushed apology can sometimes feel more painful than no apology at all.

Am I writing about you?

You might recognise yourself here in a different way. Are you worried about your own relationship with alcohol at Christmas? Perhaps you’ve hurt loved ones in the past, or you’re unsure how you will get through the season without drinking some of the pain away.

If so, try to meet yourself with honesty rather than judgement. Christmas can act as a mirror, revealing patterns we might otherwise avoid. Noticing them is not a failure — it is the first step towards change.

What happens now?

Christmas does not have to be perfect to be meaningful. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is scale back, simplify, or do things differently. If Christmas brings up painful patterns year after year, therapy can offer a space to explore what lies beneath them and how to care for yourself more effectively.

Even if this Christmas feels messy, it does not define you — and it does not mean things cannot be different in the future.

I am a psychodynamic counsellor based in Tunbridge Wells and working online. Please contact me for information about sessions and what therapy could mean for you.