The Season of Christmas Dread

Christmas, without a doubt, is the most challenging time of the year. Social media and television adverts would make us believe it’s a time of joy, family gatherings, and festive celebrations, but this demand for families to come together can often bring arguments, anxiety, tension, financial pressure, loneliness and low self-esteem. Work Christmas parties can be a hotbed of discord, drunken regrets and simmering issues that somehow seem worse at Christmas. How can we navigate these challenges with more positive expectations about the festive season? 

The Christmas ghosts in Dicken’s novel ‘A Christmas Carol’, offer a speedy insight into therapy delivered in one night. They managed to support Scrooge to recognise and understand his past trauma, examine and re-evaluate his current position and imagine a future so bright he went out and bought the biggest goose he could find. Good work!

For the rest of us in the real, modern world facing the festive season, one of the biggest factors is…

The Pressure to Be Happy

From early November, we’re bombarded with images of families across social media and adverts enjoying perfect Christmas dinners in beautifully decorated homes. People receiving thoughtful and generous gifts, and everyone basking in the glow of a ‘magical’ holiday season. It’s easy to feel that something is wrong with you if your reality doesn’t match up to these idealised images. Feelings can become even more overwhelming if you then carry guilt or shame that your Christmas is not perfect.

If you are already struggling with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or grief, these expectations can intensify a sense of inadequacy or isolation. The pressure to enjoy yourself can be overwhelming, and the more we try to meet this expectation, the more disconnected we feel.

Grief and Loss

Christmas can be a poignant reminder of loved ones who are no longer with us. The holiday season often brings to the surface feelings of grief that are usually tucked away. The empty chair at the dinner table or the absence of a familiar voice can bring a sense of sorrow that feels amplified by the celebrations around us. The first Christmas without someone special can be especially hard, and it may feel like the world around you is moving on while you’re still processing your grief.

Family Dynamics

Christmas usually includes family gatherings, but these can be a source of stress and discomfort. Family dynamics can be complex, and the holidays can bring unresolved issues to the surface. Whether it’s an ongoing conflict with a parent, sibling, or child/ teenager, Christmas may feel like a pressure cooker for old wounds that haven’t been healed. There may be the added pressure of fulfilling certain roles within the family, such as being the organiser, the entertainer, or the peacemaker. This can be exhausting, especially if you’re already feeling emotionally drained. 

This can be especially difficult for young people who no longer view their parents’ relationship from a child’s perspective and can recognise, with an adult lens, that their parents cannot tolerate each other. The desperation to hold on to both parents and pretend all is well, can be hard to bear.

Financial Stress

The cost-of-living crisis has not gone away. In the current economic climate, with inflation, rising costs, and uncertainty, Christmas can be financially stressful. The pressure to put on an extravagant feast, a long list of presents to buy and to participate in costly social activities can be overwhelming, especially for those on a tight budget. The idea of spending money you don’t have can cause anxiety and guilt. Feeling financially strained while seeing others around you seemingly indulging can create a sense of shame, exacerbating feelings of inadequacy or failure.

How Can We Navigate a Difficult Christmas?

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling. Rather than trying to force yourself into the holiday spirit, take time to sit with your emotions and understand what’s beneath them. If you can, talk to a family member so that they can support you.

Set Realistic Expectations

Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s okay if things don’t go      according to plan. Allow yourself the freedom to adapt and adjust to your reality. Speak to your family, including the young people, about what Christmas may look like. It may surprise you what they say.

Seek Connection

If you’re feeling lonely, try to find ways to connect with others, even if it’s just in small ways. You don’t have to spend Christmas alone, and it’s okay to reach out for support. Whether it’s a friend or a local community group, it may be possible to ease feelings of isolation. This can be especially important for older people.

Look After Yourself

Self-care is crucial during the holiday season. Whether it’s taking a      quiet walk, a warm bath, exercise or watching a favourite Christmas film, make sure you take time to recharge. Even small moments of calm can help to alleviate stress and prevent burnout.

Reach Out for Professional Support

If you’re struggling with your emotions or finding it difficult to cope      with the pressures of Christmas, consider reaching out to a counsellor. It can provide you with the support and insight you need to manage difficult feelings and navigate the season in a healthier way.

Finally…

The holiday season may pass, but you carry your mental health and wellbeing all year-round. Wishing you peace, compassion, and understanding as we move through this holiday season. 

If you feel you may need support, please do contact me via my website www.sarahmcmurraycounselling.comor by email sarahmcmurraycounselling@gmail.com