Anti-Bullying Week #chooserespect

Cyber-Bullying and Teenagers

In the counselling room the subject of bullying comes up regularly and it is one of the most damaging experiences a young person can struggle to understand, process and heal from. I often find questions often circle back to ‘Why me? What did I do to deserve this?’ For many young people, the lines between "real life" bullying and online bullying are blurred, and the consequences can be even more severe.

Online bullying can be subtle. It is not the public playground name-calling of old. The rise of online bullying has changed the language. It can include:

Social judgement. Social media has set the ‘standard’ for our behaviour, dress, appearance and hobbies. This can also include sexuality, identity and social status. Everyone can have an opinion on a post, and the comments can be brutal and devastating.

Exclusion: Although it is cited as a girl trait to ‘unfriend’ someone or to exclude them from a WhatsApp group or encouraging others to leave a group chat, boys it would seem use video games to exclude, threaten and abuse others. This has become a new gladiator arena.

Being cancelled: When public support is withdrawn in any sphere leading to deliberate isolation. The recent case of an Oxford University student who committed suicide after being ostracised by his peers following unevidenced allegations was a tragic case where unsubstantiated gossip on social media got out of hand.

Sending nudes/semi-nudes and Photoshop. Young people can be coerced within a bullying relationship to send nude pictures of videos of themselves that are then shared. It can also happen that a photograph of a young person is photoshopped and then shared. Once the photo is shared, it cannot be re-called.

The alt accounts: In a simple world, a teenager can simply block an unwanted bully but it is easy to create alt accounts where you can hide behind a mask of anonymity and keep perpetuating the bullying. This is a particularly exploitative form of bullying.

It’s done in secret: Unless the young person is brave enough to share what is happening, no one is privy about what is going on. Parents are nearly always floored when they find out what has been happening. Our phone screens have made bullying grow more subtle and far more secretive.

Passive bullying: A young person can be with their friends all day at school and then when they are home their texts go unread and unanswered leaving feelings of insecurity, anxiety and worry about what they have done wrong.

24/7 connectivity: It is EXHAUSTING for young people to keep on top of everything. The constant pressure to interact is ever-present. Home should be a reprieve, it isn’t.

It was a joke: Was it? Really? This is not teenagers being teenagers. This is not ok.

Bullying can have a devastating effect on young people’s mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being.  The effects of bullying on teenagers are far-reaching and can manifest in both the short-term and long-term. It can be difficult to maintain academic standards when all you can think about is what may be being posted about you online. Sleep issues are common as well as unhealthy coping strategies including self-harm. School refusal is common, particularly when a young person feels shame.

How can counselling help? A young person needs to de-code what happened to them to make sense of it. This can be safely done with a trained therapist. Early intervention can make a difference to rebuild confidence and self-esteem and to recover from what can be a devastating time in a young person’s life. If you are a parent reading this, I hope you found it helpful that help for your teenage child can be found. If you are a young person, I’ve got you.

Please email sarahmcmurraycounselling@gmail.com